6things4

12 Step Spirituality

It was 1978. I was a recent graduate of seminary and a newly ordained deacon. Lily had been sick for three years, her face bloated from Prednisone, her body wracked with pain. We were living in “the combat zone” of downtown Rochester, NY with a hooker for a neighbor and mafia gaming establishments down the street. The week we moved in the robbery of note on the street was the abduction of a guard dog. Our home was the parsonage of Christ Lutheran Church where I served as Associate Pastor. My office was in the house and I worked sixty to eighty hours a week. My weight was sky rocketing. I was out of control. As I reached for the refrigerator door one afternoon, Lily said something like, “You had better do something about this.” It wasn’t the biggest intervention ever but something in the way she said it was the reality check I needed. I walked into my office; got out the Yellow Pages; found the number and called the local chapter of Overeaters Anonymous.

It would be a great pleasure and a lie to tell you I am thin today. Not! However, 12 step spirituality saved my sanity. Weight control is important, but a secondary gain. Maturing through the process is everything. “Practicing these principles in all our affairs” as Step 12 says helps make life a more positive experience. 12 Step Recovery is one of the most, if not the fastest, growing spiritual paths on the planet. As a Christian, and a pastor I have no problem seeing it as a competitive spirituality. Many people have written about it from a Christian perspective. One might start out, as some 12 Step materials suggest, with the doorknob as your higher power. The truth is AA was built upon the Bible and Christian principles. It is next to impossible to “work the program” and not discover God with the character of Jesus. Actually, most Christians would gain in spiritual maturity if they consciously followed this program.

The Big Book of AA and tons of other resources, like A Hunger for Healing, by Keith Miller, give a more detailed and exhaustive account of the 12 Steps than is possible in this short part of a small book. However, for those to whom this might be a true introduction what follows is a brief summary.

Step 1: “Came to believe we were powerless over……..” This is where we all end or start over. Jesus said, “do not be anxious for tomorrow…”

It’s about time for another joke. Do you know the difference between a pessimist and an optimist? The pessimist says, “Things are awful. I don’t know when they were ever so bad. In fact I’ll bet they couldn’t get any worse!” The optimist says, “Oh yes, they can get worse!”

Ours is a culture of anxiety. Just watch the evening news and a few commercials and your denial can be broken. OK, I admit you probably aren’t an alcoholic. But you worry. Don’t tell me otherwise. We live post 9/11. There is a “War on Terror.” Hurricane Katrina devastated one of our largest cities. We dodged SARRS but the Bird Flu is on its way.   Children are shooting their teachers and fellow students. It could be argued that in a world like ours it is insane not to worry. My guess is that if you are a human-being, when anxiety strikes you resort to some sort of compulsive behavior that is more or less self defeating. If not drinking and drugging, or eating, or not eating, then cleaning, shopping or over exercising. If not then you’re Co-Dependent.

Donna, Brenda’s best friend, likes to remind us of the ways you can tell if you are being Co-Dependent. You are Co-Dependent if you do something for another person and they didn’t ask you to do it. You are Co-Dependant if you do something for another person and they could have and probably, should have done it for themselves. You are Co-Dependant if you do something for someone and you resent it later. You are Co-Dependant if you are trying to fix someone else’s life to avoid working on your own.

So fill in the blank. I am powerless over__________. I filled in the blank with “food”. Then I offered up my workaholic tendencies. For me the most helpful recovery program was CoDA (Codependence Anonymous). I am powerless over others. I came to see that I was powerless over Muscular Dystrophy and Scleroderma. I can not make a church grow. It all works better when I turn it over to God.

Step 2: Came to believe a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. We live in an increasingly secular culture. What started out as “freedom of religion” seems to be more and more understood by many as “freedom from religion.” However, Saint Augustine was right when he said we all have an inner void that can only be filled with our relationship to God. The 12 Step program of recovery makes it easy. All you need to do to join is have a “desire to quit_______” . The program only works “if you work it.” No one will force you to do anything. No one will kick you out. You can choose any Higher Power you want. Just take that Step and come to believe there is a higher power that can help.

Step 3: Made a conscious decision to turn our life and our will over to our higher power. “Let go and let God.” Once you can do this you will have, as Jesus said, faith the size of a mustard seed. That is enough to move the mountains in your life.

Steps 4 Made a Searching and Fearless Inventory of Ourselves. Keith Miller suggests seven areas for self accountability: Resentments, Fears, Sexual Instincts, Financial Security, Emotional Security, Social Instincts, and Character Defects. It’s a tough list and it’s hard to get a handle on it. Denial, as they say in the program “Isn’t a river in Egypt.” Often it takes some kind of outside intervention, or difficult consequence of our self defeating behavior, for us to stop and look at ourselves. Like the children’s story, The Emperor’s new clothes, we have to stop and look at the naked truth of our lives in order to move along the path to recovery.

Step 5 Admitted to God, to Ourselves, and to Another Human Being the Exact Nature of our Wrongs. Like the Roman Catholic Church, Episcopalians have a form for confession before a priest. We call it the Sacrament of Reconciliation. In typical Anglican, via media style we say, “It’s available to all. Required on none, and there are probably some people who really need to make use of it.” In thirty years of ministry over and over again I have discovered this truth. Although someone might talk all around a problem, spiritual healing and progress only really begins with this sacrament.

"Holy God, heavenly Father, you formed me from the dust in your image and likeness, and redeemed me from sin and death by the cross of your Son, Jesus Christ. Through the water of baptism you clothed me with the shining garment of his righteousness, and established me among your children in your kingdom. But I have squandered the inheritance of your saints, and have wandered for in a land that is waste.

Especially, I confess to you and to the Church…………. " Book of Common Prayer page 450

For those who are not sacramental Christians or not Christians at all, Step 5 with a sponsor in your program of choice works the same way. It’s not that people forgive us. It’s that real confession only happens when we make our sin, our character defect, our compulsive behavior, public to at least one other person. Only this will really begin to break our denial and help us find serenity.

Step 6 and 7 go together like 4 and 5. Were Entirely Ready to Have God Remove All These Defects of Character. Humbly Asked Him to Remove Our Short Comings.

How many Addicts does it take to change a light bulb?

“Change? Did I hear someone say Change?”

I don’t know who I am or where I am going but I’m afraid that if I take this spiritual program seriously I might just end up someone else. Breaking through denial and admitting past mistakes and present defects of character is only the beginning. We have to make the next steps.

One day the counselor just flat out got fed up with his client and said. “I can’t decide if you are apathetic or just plain ignorant.” To which the client replied, “I don’t know and I don’t care.”

Recently a friend in recovery put it this way. “Grab your ass and your brain will follow!”

Sometimes the place we have to start is “God, I am willing to be willing?”

Steps 8 and 9 are also a pair. Made a List of All Persons We Had Harmed, and Became Willing to Make Amends to Them All. Made Direct Amends to Such People Wherever Possible, Except When to Do So Would Injure Them or Others.   An amends can be as simple as an apology. It can be as difficult as making restitution for a wrecked car. There is no promise that either would be accepted. We see politicians and other people in the public eye who need to make amends for words and deeds. “I apologize to my fans.” “I hope the public can forgive.” “I was wrong. I’m sorry. Please forgive me.” “I’d like to do this or that to help make up for this or that.”

Steps 10 and 11 are also a pair. Continued to Take Personal Inventory and When We Were Wrong, Promptly Admitted It. Sought Through Prayer and Meditation to Improve Our Conscious Contact With God, Praying Only for Knowledge of His Will For Us and the Power to Carry That Out. The Rev. Canon Mark Pearson says prayer is easy. We all know how to talk. Just “talk up”. Like most simple things prayer is both that easy and a whole lot more difficult. Prayer is honest communication with God. Talking is often the easy part. Listening can be more difficult. Discerning God’s will can be even harder.

Bud was our worship leader, piano player and a member of vestry (governing board). About once a meeting he would say, “I just hope we are acting with pure motives.” I’m just enough of a cynical pessimist to think this is impossible. If I waited until I thought I might have a pure motive I’d never get anything done. Instead a quotation from Martin Luther seems more helpful. “Sin boldly yet more boldly believe.” It’s not an excuse to sin. It means we ought to step out and do our best; making the next right decision to the best of our ability. Then, having decided, let us move out with conviction and trust the Lord to forgive our human failings and mistakes.

It was early December. I had been in a job search since September. There were three strong possibilities in the Diocese of Western Louisiana. Praying, talking to God as I was riding my bicycle, I asked for advice. “Lord how will I know which one to take if they all offer me a job?”

“Bookcases” came the cryptic reply.

Weird as it seemed this became my number one criteria for discernment in the interview process. What were the book cases like in the pastor’s office? There was nothing of note at Mer Rouge. Just plain book cases at St. James Shreveport. But at St. George’s, Bossier City there was something unique. Sitting on the empty shelves were two pair of Big Shot Glasses: the ones with thick dark frames, a fake nose, bushy black mustache and eyebrows. It still seemed a bit cryptic for a sign from God but it helped me make my decision to accept the call.

Step 12 Having Had a Spiritual Awakening as a Result of these Steps, We Tried to Carry
This Message to Others and to Practice These Principles in all Our Affairs. The inclusion of this material here is one way I am following Step 12.

Live the Beatitudes as a Spiritual Path

"Blessed are the poor in spirit,
     for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are those who mourn,
     for they will be comforted.
Blessed are the meek,
     for they will inherit the earth.
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
     for they will be filled.
Blessed are the merciful,
     for they will be shown mercy.
Blessed are the pure in heart,
     for they will see God.
Blessed are the peacemakers,
     for they will be called sons of God.
Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness,
     for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.   Matthew 5:3-11

Instead of looking at the Beatitudes as separate wisdom sayings see them as a step by step guide to the spiritual path. The first step leads to the second, the second to the third etc.

"Blessed are the poor in spirit,
     for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

This describes what those in recovery call, hitting bottom. When you come to understand that you are indeed “powerless over…” It is the beginning of the spiritual journey. The Kingdom of God is now your inheritance – even if it is still a long way off. As long as you stay in denial and have no problems it is not possible to begin, you cannot yet see the way. Longing for “something more” we discover our need of God.

It was January of 1972 I was tired and depressed. Looking in the mirror after a late night shower I said aloud. “Who are you and what are you good for anyway?”

“I’m a son, but Dad is dead and I don’t get along with Mom.
I’m brother but I hardly see Nick and Penny.
I’m a teacher but they learn more in spite of me than because of me….”

The list went on.

Finally in desperation I said, “Can’t I just be.”

And I heard a voice respond. “Yes, and I AM.”

This was the beginning of my adult journey up the path of the Beatitudes.

Blessed are those who mourn,
     for they will be comforted.

Offering comfort to the bereaved; planning and officiating at funerals were always parts of my pastoral duties that I considered among my gifts for ministry. When Lily died I came to the stark realization that I really hadn’t had a clue! Our congregation had many widows and widowers. One look into their eyes seemed to give me more comfort than I had been able to share in all those earlier funerals. The grieving families never complained. I received lots of appreciative thank you notes. However, now I knew what real comfort is. I knew, they knew, the pain I felt was not just emotional but a physical heart ache.

When we have walked through the first Beatitude we know the pain of hitting bottom in our spiritual life. Sorry for opportunities lost and mistakes made we become more receptive of care from others. The Good News is that there are others who have been there. They will look into our eyes and we will find comfort.

Blessed are the meek,
     for they will inherit the earth.

One has to move from pride to meekness to receive comfort. A rough and tough façade will keep it away. Thus meekness moves us forward on the spiritual journey. Meekness gives us a greater awareness of the world around us. It creates an attitude of awe for the wonders of creation. We can inherit the earth.

It was the winter 1969 and Bob Gingerich was training me and other student teachers to lead 5th and 6th graders into the woods for nature walks. Bob had already inherited the earth. There were so many delightful things to see around the parking lot of Otter Lake Conservation School that we almost didn’t make it into the forest. “Taste this bud. Smell these pine needles.”

These days we keep seed in the bird feeder and nectar for the humming birds. The binoculars and Audubon Bird Book are near the door. There is a wide variety of feathered friends feasting from this spread. Their colors are vivid. Their antics are amusing. Life is good.

Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
     for they will be filled.

As we observe the wonders of creation, a desire grows within us for this wonder and beauty of creation to be instilled in the hearts of mankind. The inmates call KAIROS the ministry that comes back. It is the thirst for hunger and righteous that draws so many of the team back again and again. We thirst to see the Spirit of God change lives for the better. We see young black men embracing skin heads and calling them brother. We see tough guys filled with love from a child’s refrigerator art. We watch as men receive a birthday cake for the first time in years, or even for the first time ever. We see all this and our hearts and spirits are filled.

Blessed are the merciful,
     for they will be shown mercy.

It was a closing service for KAIROS and the men were taking turns at open mike. “I’ve only cried twice in my life,” said the older resident, “the first time was 25 years ago and I died that day. The second was yesterday when I received your letters, and I knew I could do the rest of my time alive.”

There is a simple distinction between Grace and Mercy. Grace is when you get what you don’t deserve. Mercy is when you don’t get what you do. Many of us who go into the prisons know that we have received mercy. Most of know that “there but for the grace and mercy of God go I.”

Another man said at open Mike on another weekend. “We are no different than Y’all. We’re just guys who made one mistake too many and our lives began to unravel.” It made me think back to the many nights during my college drinking days. Thank God there was never a pedestrian in the wrong place at the wrong time. I could have ended up in a place like this for DWI and/or vehicular manslaughter.

As my compassion for these guys grows I find I am less judgmental of myself. Like them, I am a human being trying to do the best that I can with today’s resources.

Blessed are the pure in heart,
     for they will see God.

Thus we are led to the next step. Knowing ourselves without pretence is to discover the heart of God. It was January of 2006 and Lily had just died. I made one of the few New Year’s resolutions that I’ve kept. I decided to be easier on myself and others. For a long time I’ve thought Henry David Thoreau was right. “Most people live lives of quiet desperation.” Now I was ready to cut them some slack and take some for myself.

Blessed are the peacemakers,
     for they will be called sons of God.

With such a shift in inner attitude comes more inner peace. The peace within us can be contagious. We can become peace makers. The proponents of family systems theory tell us that when any one person in a system changes it can affect the whole family system. The same is true of organizations. When the person in charge, (Dad, Pastor, CEO) can be a “non anxious presence” the whole organization, the whole interpersonal system can be at peace as well.

Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness,
     for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

This leads us to the last beatitude. We are again reminded of Woody Allen’s dictum, “No good deed goes unpunished.” Sometimes those interpersonal systems (families, companies, and churches) aren’t ready to shift gears with the non-anxious leader. However, notice that the blessing is now the same as the first, “theirs is the Kingdom of heaven.” Now it is no longer far away. We are in the good company of Jesus and the Saints who have gone before us.

Participate in a Small Group

In pre World War II Spain there was a Roman Catholic bishop concerned by the declining attendance of men in his Diocese. Just as he was getting a program organized the war started. After the war a short course for spiritual renewal, Cursillo, was born. The Bishop came up with a sure way to get men to attend. He organized separate men’s and women’s events. Then a rule was made so that wives could only attend after their husbands had participated. It worked.

A key feature of this Cursillo method is small groups. They had them on the weekend and they had follow up groups called reunions. In 1952 two Spanish Air Force pilots came to Texas to train. Having become committed Christians through Cursillo they attended Mass here in the states. When their American friends heard about this new program they were excited. Thus, Cursillo was introduced into the United States.

Soon Cursillo spread across the Roman Catholic Church in the US. In time participants began inviting their protestant friends. However, Bishops became concerned about non Roman Catholics wanting to receive communion. This led Cursillo to jump from the Roman church to other denominations.

In late 1975 I was blessed to be able to attend the first Episcopal Cursillo for men, sponsored by the Diocese of Vermont. The talks by priests and lay men were all inspiring. The fellowship around our “decuria” table was the first of many small group experiences. Lily attended the first Episcopal Women’s Cursillo weekend the next February. Following these weekends Lily and I joined a Reunion Group with two other clergy couples. They were a great support when two months later Lily entered the hospital for the first time.

This small group “thing” is included here for the part it plays in our spiritual life. Jesus said, “Where two or three are gathered, there I am in the midst of them.” He also said, “How can you say you love God, whom you have not seen, if you don’t love your brother whom you have seen?” Perhaps it is because of my extroverted personality. However, my guess is, this is true for introverts as well. I often feel closer to God in the company of a small sharing group than I do when praying alone. If I can see the Spirit moving in your life, then I am assured that my shared spiritual experience is more than my imagination.

Cursillo continued to mutate. It split off into programs for youth called Happening. It split off into other denominations as Tres Dias and Road to Emmaus. It inspired KAIROS and KAIROS Outside for prisoners and the women in their lives.

Faith Alive is another renewal movement in the Episcopal Church. It is also a weekend experience. It is different in that it happens not in some isolated retreat center. Instead it takes place right in the home church. Again one of the key ingredients is sharing in small groups. As people come together they get to know each other in a significant way; often for the first time. People open up, share their stories. They share their faith. It can be a catalyst for individual and congregational renewal. People may learn to pray in a personal way as they offer intercessions for one another and the mission of the church.

My favorite time on a KAIROS weekend comes near the end. It is mid Sunday. The table groups are no longer just a collection of prisoners and street people with walls and defenses in place. They have become “families” of caring brothers in Christ. They have laughed and cried together. They have feasted on fresh food and home made cookies. They have drawn posters, played in skits, and worshiped together. They share a common bond, the love of God. Now is the time for the prayer circle. The actual tables have been removed one more barrier is broken down. Half the group remains in their chairs. The other men stand, one each behind those who are seated. The first man standing prays and sits down. The last man sitting receives prayer and then stands to pray. The chain rotates, as on a bicycle, until each one prays for everyone else. Time and again men who by their own observation had little or no spiritual life on Thursday night speak forth powerful prayers of blessings upon their new brothers in the faith. The presence of the Holy Spirit of God is palpable, awesome and draws me back time and again.

There are many other opportunities for participation in small groups. I intend to take advantage of them whenever I can.

Take Time to be Silent

It was the early 90s and we lived in Tucson. The desert is a great resource for solitude. Marge my spiritual director encouraged me to use her place for a silent retreat. It was good to get away from the stress. It was difficult to be alone with me. In spite of the desperate cry “Can’t I just be!” that brought me back to the spiritual path, doing nothing, and being silent are about the hardest things in my life. The scriptures tell us, “Be still and know that I am God.” It’s hard for an extrovert. Some one has said, “It’s important to take time to be still because we are human “beings” and not human “doings.” I believe someone else said something like, “We have to be emptied before we can be filled.” I know it’s important to be quiet. It’s just hard to do.

Brenda is an extreme introvert. She finds it easy and necessary. She calls it “staring at the wall.” I find it helps me to cheat a little. If I have some task, some thing to do, I can paradoxically empty my mind of other thoughts. This is the attraction of sailing or cycling. Sitting in a rocking chair also seems to work. When the opportunity arises being still at the beach, preferably the ocean is also helpful. Not surprisingly I can also be alone together. The first night of a Cursillo weekend is set aside as a silent retreat until breakfast.

In the early 80s we attended a School of Pastoral Care. One of the presenters was The Rev. Morton Kelsey. I had heard the name. He was an Episcopal Priest and had written some books. It seemed like a good idea to read one or two before attending this event. The Other Side of Silence was the first I read. Now it sits in a prominent place in my office and I often recommend it as a resource for others. Kelsey introduced me to type theory and Jung and his process of Active Imagination.

For me, the next best thing to sitting silently is to use my active imagination; take a spiritual journey; explore my inner world and meet with Jesus. In the late 80s I self published a collection of these meditations. It is a spiritual exercise I need to revive.

As I sit here typing, I imagine a voice is calling me from a distance. It is faint, yet persistent. “Geoffrey, Geoffrey…”

“Who’s there?”

“Come and see.”

My spirit floats up and away from my body. The sound of the workman fixing our bathroom floor fades into the distance. The tapping of the keyboard quiets. I’m outside looking down on the house. I can see Gray Lake and the seaweed floating on top of the water. There is highway 80 and Interstate 20. Soon time and space have swept me away. I’m drifting down through a foggy night. The voice is louder now.

“Geoffrey, Here I am.”

It’s Jesus and he is sitting in an overstuffed well used leather rocking chair. Instead of sitting in front of a comfortable fireplace in a cozy cottage, he is incongruously set beside a foggy pond. The air is damp.

“Lord, this seems to be a strange place.”

“It’s been a while since we visited. The inside of your cottage is hard to find. I’m just meeting you where you live.”

“Lord, this is a muggy, humid, uncomfortable place.”

He points to another chair and bids me sit.

As I come closer the fog begins to lift. I feel the warmth and comfort of his personality radiate through me. I feel calmer than I have in a long time.

“There, now,” He says, “that’s better.”

I begin to fidget. The emptiness makes me uncomfortable.

He doesn’t speak again. He just sits there breathing. I find my breathing is slowing and beginning to match his. My squirming has stopped.

The fog begins to lift as morning sunlight softly penetrates and burns it away. I see the water is a small pool of clear water. Jesus nods with encouragement and I jump into the pool.

Light sparkles through bubbles floating up from the bottom. The colors of plants and fish are bright and playful. Sinking to the bottom I notice a golden box. I reach over and open it. There inside is a precious jewel. It is a ring with a royal purple stone. Placing it on my finger I float back to the surface and sit back in my chair. I am surprised to find I am not wet. I wonder, “How was I able to breathe underwater all that time?”

Jesus smiles at me and says, “It is so good to have you come. I love you and miss these moments to share with you.”

“Lord, I reply, what is it we shared?”

“Life”

Then I find myself rushing back through time and space almost crashing through the ceiling; once again aware of the click, click of my keyboard. I am feeling happy and hoping this imaginary journey might help others find peace in the middle of a busy day.

Visit a Spiritual Director Regularly

It was a cold, brisk fall day. Debbie, Paul, his younger brother John and I were hiking up the side of Mt. Adams in the Presidential Range of the White Mountains of New Hampshire. We had been planning the trip for some months and were happy to be climbing into the fresh mountain air. Debbie and Paul were experienced hikers. I was a trained guide for this mountain range. However, John was inexperienced and out of shape. As the morning turned into afternoon our pace got slower. The bright sunshine turned to snow clouds. I began to suggest we turn back. However, we were all reluctant to give up before it was absolutely necessary. John started to stumble and complain. Over hearing him discuss his Methadone treatment with Paul, I discovered he was a recovering drug addict. We were all getting cold. Somewhere in my brain my training started to kick into gear.

“People have died on these mountains in every month of the year.”

“One of the first symptoms of hypothermia is the loss of reasoning.”

Just then John slipped in the snow and slid a few feet down the side of the mountain. Thankfully, there was no serious drop off in this area. We were still a long way from any really dangerous climbing. As we got him back to the trail I made my decision.

“OK guys, I’m disappointed too, but we’ve got to turn back now before we all lose the ability to make sound decisions about what to do next.”

It is possible to follow a spiritual path without a director. Lot’s of people take day hikes up the side of some of the most dangerous mountain trails in New England. Most come out not even aware of the dangers they missed. Others die because of lack of preparation, ignorance, and carelessness. Just as it is wise to have a guide in the mountains, it is wise to have a guide for the spiritual journey.

Many spiritual traditions make use of mentors or guides to the spiritual journey. Promise Keepers teach men to have a Paul and Timothy in their lives: Someone who is further along and someone to mentor. Recovery Programs have Sponsors. These are people with a history of sobriety and willing to mentor someone with less experience in the program.   A good Sponsor is someone, who no matter their length of sobriety still check in with their own Sponsor regularly. The definition I like best is “one beggar showing another where to find bread.”
Another explanation says “spiritual direction begins where counseling lets off.” In other words, this is a practice not of illness or problem solving. It is an opportunity to progress towards wholeness and serenity with the help of a more experienced fellow traveler.

Due to moving and other factors I have been blessed with a number of Spiritual Directors over the years. Some like my first, The Rev. Burt Air have been members of the clergy. Others have been professional counselors and others experienced laymen. Some have had specific training as spiritual directors. Others have not. For me each has been appropriate for the “season” of my life while they were in it. Fr. Burt helped me love myself and work through Father Issues. Margie led me through the Ignasian Spiritual Exercises. Pat helped me come through a difficult time in our marriage. Paul helped wrestle through times of church conflict and issues of success. Currently, Charlotte is helping me learn from the wisdom of my dreams.

Live Sacramentally

At twelve years old I memorized important information for Confirmation class. “A sacrament is the outward and visible sign of an inward and spiritual grace.” However, weekly participation in worship as an acolyte and member of the children’s choir had already made an impression on my soul. Even when the communion wafers taste like Styrofoam and the wine seems old, sour, or weak, something holy grabs me when I receive the blessed elements of communion. Our lives are both very physical and spiritual. The sacraments mark a place, a moment, a focal point, or a window of connection between the two worlds of matter and spirit.

Words fascinate me and the words for “time” bring an even more powerful understanding to the sacrament of communion, or Holy Eucharist as we Episcopalians call it. When we hear the word “time” most of us think of Chronological time. This is the linear flowing of one moment to the next that is measured more and more specifically with each new invention of a chronometer. People with a sundial don’t make appointments for 2:43.

The prison ministry KAIROS is named for another kind of time. “God’s Special Time” we call it. Sometimes an English translation of the Bible will say “The fullness of time.” We explain the difference to the men in prison by talking about pregnant women. When the mother to be first visits her Doctor he makes a projection. Your due date is May 22nd.